SHIT HAPPENS

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. 

AND THE 'MEAN SPIRITED AWARD' GOES TO ........

...... The Cambridge Club.

The 2013 Curmudgeon Award

This bunch of miserable old bastards deserve the 2013 Curmudgeon for refusing to honour a promise made to the daughters of a deceased member (whose membership had not run out even though he had) when they enquired if his raffle ticket would still be valid. "Sure is" they were told and, when a few weeks later the ticket won the first prize of $900 (which the daughters said they would donate to a charity) the board of miserable old scrotes reneged.

IT'S WORTH BEING GRUMPY

Looks like you'll have me around a lot longer to moan about things.



READ HERE

The rewards of being a misery-guts I suppose.
Mind you, if I live a lot longer I'll be older and more infirm, and young people will just get younger and more disrespectful and the bloody music they play will get louder and worse and they'll get more disrepectful and my memory will get bloody worse and the young ones will get more disrepectful and we'll get even worse prime ministers than Shonkey and the bloody TV programmes will be worse and..........

IF I WAS A FILM DRIECTOR #1

If I was a film director and was making one of those thrillers that have the heroes trying to keep a step ahead of the villains, I'd throw in a bit of reality here and there even if it means the heroes fail or get wiped out.

How many times do we see scenes of people breaking into an office and having to access information on a computer. The camera shots switch from the hero busy downloading information and the villain arriving by car and entering the bulding. Back and forth it goes until the computer just finishes downloading and printing befoe the bad guy enters  as the good guy has slipped out a window or hidden somewhere.

Now in my reality take I would have the hero still  trying to boot up the computer as the bad guy arrives. The computer (as all computers do) would grind on for ages going through its start up protocol.

The villain would catch the hero sitting in front of the monitor as the Microsoft image appears and the welcoming music starts.

The villain would then knock the hero through the desk and probably killing him.